Counting down, 79 days to O's and 26 days to Prelims.

Somehow, time has been passing really fast this year. Thinking about it, its almost gonna be a year since all those drama started. I have to admit that i have changed a lot in this year. Good or bad? I don't know. But I do know that I have learnt alot of things and all these lessons are making me stronger and stronger, but as for whether these things have make me a better girl, I really don't know. Whatever it is, I think it's really time for me to drop down all my thoughts for now and focus on my studies. I have been wasting too much time on people who don't give a damn, and dwelling on the past is not going to bring them back to my life. Easier to be said than done huh. I know until now, I still can't forget the two of them. But well, iakihs went to NS yesterday, as for the other one, I assume he is leading a blissful life with his darling girl. Today, I told myself that I will really bring myself to forget the past. Since they didn't even bother to record me in their memory, why would I still keep leaving a space for them in my heart. They will never come back. I have many other things thats gonna worth for me to focus on. Friends and family too. For now, I think I really just wanna focus on my studies. Other things can wait.

I just realized that I am really laggingg far behind many others in terms of studies. I mean.. I realize that long ago, but it's until now that I really woke up and asked myself, "shuying, what the fuck have you been doing since 2011?!" I realize I dont know about the basics, when others are already polishing their skills at this time. But I am really doing my best now. Really. And I realized that it's really tiring. Especially when many impt people around me are not giving me support, or in fact, they are not even here for me now. This really makes me wonder that perhaps I have been a very bad daughter/ friend. It's like... even my family is not trusting me, teacher is looking down on me, people are laughing at me. Frankly speaking, I am kinda sick of putting up a mask in school, always acting like a clown to make people happy. It's really tiring...

But anyway, I don't have the right to be complaining tired since I was the one that choosed to waste my time away. Guess it's just time for me to payback the price.