Just woke and I felt shitty again. In the past, everytime when I wake up, I would wake up with his text waiting for me, but this time, its only me, all by myself waiting for a phone that will never light up. I have been reading through our SMSes convo since we started as a couple, I got reminded of all the promise that he made to me. How he promised that he will complete the "part 4" of our story, how he promised that we will stayed on together as long as I still love him.
你跟我说过，“只要你还爱我，我就会永远留在你的身边。分手是不可能的事。”
你也说过， “我舍不得抛弃你，因为我的心里只有你一个."
难道你现在都已经把你之前所许下的承诺给忘了吗？还是，当初你对我说说出这些话时，你只是在骗我，你从来都没有对我付出真心呢？其实，这几天我会如此的伤心是因为我还是不明白为何你会变得那么快，转眼间，你方佛已变成一个冷酷无情的人了。从继大哥的口中听说那几天你还能如往常一样满脸挂着笑容，一点都不伤心。听他那么说后，我不断的在想，难道你就完全不记得我和你度过的日子吗？难道你都不觉得可惜吗？
Do you remember the day when I first met you? The day when I give you a lecture on how smoking can kills? And how you crap to me about you coming from China?
Do you remember that day where we played catching together and how the whole world seems to stand still at that very moment?
Do you still remember the days where we cook maggie mee for each other?
Do you still remember the days when you would lie on my legs and look into my eyes?
Do you still remember the day when you would always remind that theres a hole in my bangs and how you will ask me to stand still so that you can arrange my bangs neatly for me?
Do you still remember the time when you fed me fries?
Do you remember the time we would lie on each other's chest, listening to each other's heartbeat?
Do you remember how you will always lend me your shoulder everytime when I am tired?
Do you remember how you will always sneak up behind my back, while I am texting the others?
Do you remember how I used to hug you from the back while you are playing maple, and how you will then hold on to my hands and lie your head on my stomach?
Do you remember how you will try to mesmerize me with your small eyes and how i will start calling you "men pang"?
Do you remember how you will play with my hair and how I will start to mess up your hair?
Do you remember how we will always fight for the "sally bolster"?
Do you remember the place where you first held my hand? The place where you first hug me? The time when I gave you my first kiss?
Do you remember every single things that we have done together, every single word that you have said to me?
I do. Thats why my tears is falling non-stop as i write this post. Thats why the thought of how I would never ever have the chance to do all these things with you is horrible.
I know you don't remember and you don't give a damn. But its okayy, all these memories 我一个人 记得就好。继大哥说得对，爱一个人不一定要和那个人在一起，只要看到对方开心，自己就开心了。
所以，答应我，你要活得好好的，好好的照顾自己的身体，要活得开心，活得快乐。


It has been a long time since i last blogged yeahh. Actually, I make this post today because I really just wanna vent all my emotions and thoughts without spamming other people's timeline or news feed. So yeahh, things have been going very wrong this few days. Days without him just doesnt feel right. I swear he is on my mind for every single minute, even when i was sleeping, he has been appearing in my dreams for the past few nights. Walking through the path where we used to go with him holding my hands, taking the bus where we used to take together with him lending me his shoulder when I am tired, re-reading our SMS convo, all the sweet SMSes which have never failed to make me smile to the phone like a retard. I know people around me must be thinking why am i being so stupid, crying for a guy that doesnt even love me. I know i am being stupid, but I just cant control my tears when I thought of all the happy times when i was with him and how I will never get to see him again. I cry because I really miss the days I had with him, not because i am angry with him. Yes, he might have hurt me badly this time, but i swear i have never regret knowing with him. If i were given the chance to choose again, i will stilll choose to be with him, no regrets. So yeahh, to my dearest spy friend, jizong and huixin, dun feel guilty or sorry for me，我真的很感谢你们让有这个机会认识他，是你们让我度过了我这生中，最美好的43天。Yeahh, i know people are all blaming him, calling him a bastard, saying that he is a heartless freak, but thats not what i wanted. I have never ever blame him before, neither do I hate him. Its not his fault that he doesnt like me anymore right? Its not a fault to have no feel for someone right? I know people around me are all worried about me cause i havent been my usual self this few days. Especially to priscilla, huixin, melissa, grace, shuyun, kiayee and jieqi, sorry for breaking down and crying like a shit ass, 对不起把你们吓坏了。 你们不要担心，请你们给我多几天的时间，让我痛痛快快地哭得够，哭完之后，我答应你们我会变回以前那个happy-go-lucky 的shuying! Ohh, and thankyou to everybody who sent me those encouraging texts and tweets, really thankyou! <3