Found this on tumblr and its really relevant to me, so yeahh, decide to share it here on my blog.





Yohhz people, work has finally ended and I am really really bored now so I shall write a post (:
Hmm, yeahh, been leading a really busy lifestyle for the past 4 days so it kinda sucks now to have nothing to do. But anyway I shall talk about my working experience!
So you know, I was working at the sitex fair selling Toshiba laptops for audio house. Well, I would say its really an enjoyable experience for me. Its very tiring cos we gotta stand for straight 12 hours for 4 days, no slacking, the only resting time is during lunch and dinner time, which each only last for like 10mins? Hahhas, but of course I didnt regret going for this work cos I really learned lots of new things and I feel that I become more brave and more confident after trying out being a sales person! And the best thing is, I MADE LOTS OF NEW FRIENDS. hahahs, okayy not alot, but yupp. They are a bunch of awesome people who are really friendly and nice to us. Its kinda sad that I didnt manage to get to take a group photos with them. But i sure do hope that there might be chance that I will get to to meet them la. Hmm, so yeahh...

Hahhas, me and shuyun managed to camwhore by ourselves on the last day. But I only dare to post this photo cos I looked really toot in other photos HAHAHS.


还以为自己已经把你忘记了，可是没想到每当夜深人静的时候，躺在床上听着你的歌，想着我们的回忆，眼泪还是不由自主地留了下来。


okayy sorry, i am too tired to blog. But went to tumblr though! Thats where I can reblog all my thoughts without thinking what to write up! So yeahh, all the pictures there speaks exactly what I am saying. So yupp, take a look at


http://s-potmysocks.tumblr.com/

Thankyou! Hmm, maybe i will blog again tomorrow night! So see ya (:


Okayy.... by right i should be off-ing my com now cos I still gotta wake up early for work tomorrow. But oh well.. I saw this picture on tumblr and I cant help but think of the memories i spent with him again.















This picture is freaking sweet, i swear. So was the moment when I had with him.

Alright alright, gotta go now! Shall try and take some photos of the sitex and blog about them soon (: Seeya peeps!


Went to tumblr, feeling really down aft that and now I am here to blog about him again. I know I promised myself and my friends that I will forget about him and that I should blog lesser about him. I tried, but my blog is the only place that I can really vent all my thoughts. I really don't want to annoy or disturb my friends anymore with all this relationship problems, i know everybody have their own life, their own problems to solve, so i know I should not bug them. Well, all this while, i must admit that I have been putting on a really good mask on myself, I am finally smiling, laughing and enjoying my life like the usual me, but the truth is, he have never once left my mind. You know, that feeling when you are enjoying a movie or walking on the street, you will start to wonder how nice it would be if he is there with you at that moment. Actually, I have been asking myself, what makes me for him so deeply? I can't answer that myself, I dunno. But I just seems to like him for who he is. I like how small his eyes are, I like how sharp his nose are, I like the way he talk, the way he always crack on lame jokes, the way he always appear to be so happy and care-free. I like the way he smells. And worst, I am totally obsessed with the way he smoke, and the smell of tobacco in his breath. I have never admit it to him before cos I really dislike people smoking, and it hurts me to see ppl smoking, hurting their own body.But somehow, I just enjoy looking at him doing that, i am sick, i know.

These few days, I realised that I have been trying very very hard to gain his attention back on me. And I really feel pathetic and tired, no matter how hard I try, he just don't seems to give a damn. Somehow, my instinct tell me that no matter how much I do to improve myself, I will never ever become the perfect girl in his heart. Is that true? Can someone like, really answer me? If I ever become perfect and stand in front of him again, will he take a look at me? Will things be different?


想着你，我睡不着。


Decided to write a post since I am really really really really really bored now ):
Yupp, recently is quite boring for me. Nothing much happen in the past few days, and nothing much is gonna happen in the next few days. Nothing much to expect in the next few days other than the part that I am going for the training for my job tomorrow. Yeahh, and I am gonna be working at expo from 24/11/-27/11. Hmmm, and yeahh I just finished the drama My Girlfriend is a Gumiho! Yeahh, its quite a nice show! With a very very very touching ending, yeahh made me cry like shit 5am in the morning when watching the last episode. Even looking at the theme song MV now make me feel like crying LOL. But yeahh, I am currently addicted to the song Fox Rain.

Must Listen!


You told me to treat all these as a dream and forget about you. But how can all these be a dream? You gave me too much memories even the time we spent together were short. I still can remember every single words you say, every things that we have done together. So how can all these be a dream? How can I not feel hurt? Do you know how it feels like to wake up in the morning and realise that I am getting further and further away from you each day? Do you know it feels like to wake up realising that I am all by mysellf? Do you know how hard it is to start a day without a Good Morning text from you? Yeahh, friends around me has been asking that if you were to come back to me again, will I still accept you. And I said yes. Even if I still going to be the only one to commit to the relationship, even if you are still going to leave me again someday, my answer is still going to be yes. Because I love you.


Well, things have been going really really wrong for me for the past few weeks. Yeahh, i know in front of my friends, I am always known as the happy-go-lucky that will not get pull down by all those difficulties in life. I always tell my friend that we should stay optimistic and enjoy our life to the fullest. But well, maybe I was wrong. Life is seriously not as awesome as what I thought, especially in this stage when I am growing up, I realise that many things are changing. Okayy, I dunno if its because people are really changing or isit because I am old enough to see through their mask. Especially during this period of time, life is throwing me too much shit, and sometimes i really feel like giving up, like just cry and die.

So yeahh, weeks ago, I lost him. The second most important guy in my life. As you all can see from my previous post, I felt really horrible. But recently, when I was just about to get over the lost and was just about to move on, life starts to throw me another shit. Had a fight with my parents yesterday. Well, i know i am considered lucky that my parents are actually quite good. Thats why the fight yesterday really hurts like shit, as in mentally. Its my first time having this kind of quarrel with my dad yeahh. It all started when I told them that I need to send fudan ppl off early in the morning, and somehow they start making a big fuss about it, they start shouting at me, saying that I have change alot recently, saying that I am becoming from bad to worst. They say that they have already fail to bring my brother up the right way, they don't want me to end up like him. But hello, I am Tan Shu Ying, I know whats right and wrong, why must I always follow my brother's path? I dun understand, they start pointing out that I am becoming more concern about my looks and blamming that I am going out too often. But hello, which girl undergoing puberty doesnt care about her image? Which girl doesnt want to look pretty? And yes, about me going out. I admit i have been going out alot this year, but don't they sit down and wonder why? Why would i rather go out in the streeets and loiter like a lost dog rather than staying at home? What can I do if i am at home? Who will be there with me in the house? And yess, they blamed me that I have been hiding lots of things from them nowadays, but don't they ever wonder what makes me lost my trust in them. Remember three weeks ago, I was crying really badly over "him", and my mama caught me and asked me what happened. Thinking that she will be able to understand me and comfort me, i told everything about "him" to her, and how? She end up scolding me. Like... seriously, just when I really need her shoulder and support the most, she choose to hurt me even further. So how can i still trust my secrets with them?

And yeahh, after the big quarrel with them, I cried really hard for very long. At that point, i really felt so horrible, I feel as if I am all by myself. And I suddenly miss grandma alot alot, I really wished that she could still be here, right beside me, to give me a hug and tell me that everything will be fine. I really miss her, I wonder how's she is doing in heaven, I wonder if heaven if also a fucked up place like Earth? Also, i start thinking about "him", thinking of how he could he just left me all on my own, facing all these shit. I really need his shoulder for me to lie on, i miss how he use to pat me on my head and tell me everything is fine. Seriously, where is he when I needed him the most? I felt really helpless, suddenly I am like all left on my own, I really dunnno how to cope. But yeahh, after having insomnia for so many days, I start to think through about many things, I made a conclusion:

1. I am going to pull through all these shit, even if I am alone.
Because I still have my hands to push myself up whenever I fall.
I still have my own shoulder for me to lie on whenever I am tired.
I still have my brains to work for me when my heart is broken.
I really need to be independent. And I can do it.

2. To all those people that choose to leave me now, I am sorry that I am not good enough to make you stay. But I swear I will change myself to become a better person. And when I succeed in doing so, and become really perfect, please don't come back to me, begging like a dog. I will make you regret, regret for leaving me just when I need you the most.


Yeahh, so 11.11.11 is coming and everybody around the world is excited and looking forward to it, and so am I. But, i am excited not because 11.11.11 happens every once 100 years, 10.11.11 happens every hundred years too. Its because 11.11.11 is gonna be our 2nd month. I know I am being a idiotic bitch, saying that I will forget about him and move on, but seriously, its not that easy. Not easy at all. You know, it seriously sucks to be thinking that i have to celebrate 11.11.11 without you. Yess, sure enough, I have many friends that really love me beside me, but that feeling is never the same. No one can give me the same kind of feeling. You know? That kind of warmness in your heart when he hold you in his arms, hugging you tighter, and feeling his breath on your face. The sweetness when he lies on your chest and you can smell his hair, the sweet fragrance of his shampoo mixing with his hair wax. LOL, okayy what the shit, I know you guys must be thinking that I am being sick. Hahhas, but trust me, everyone will experience this feeling, towards the one you love . Okayy, so back to 11.11.11, yeahh its gonna be our 2nd month, in my own imaginary world. Cos I bet he is not gonna remember this date, he forgot the 1st month anw. But seriously, I really hoped that he could be here with me on this day, at least a "Hi." or "Are you feeling better?" I swear its gonna make my day. He promised that we can still be friends right? I remember every single word he say you know. I really do.


Just went and read thru our facebook conversation, stupid me. Making myself getting all emo again.

I asked you "What makes you like me?", and you replied, "I dunno, I am following my heart."
And I asked you again, "What if one day you wake up and realised that all these "love" for me are just a mistake? " You answered, "No, it wont be a mistake, trust me and believe in yourself. I love you."

I mean, why did you tell all these shit when you are not even serious about it. Why make me fucking fall for you when I was already leading a great life as a bimbo oogling at my handsome eyecandies. Why did you fucking come into my life and leave just like that?

Seriously, I don't know whats on your mind all these while. Theres one question stuck in my head forever: " Have you ever loved me before, or are you just playing with my feeling all these while?" Well, according to my knowledge of you which I have known, you are not that kind of cruel bastard that go around playing people. I know you are a nice guy, i know you never flirt and thats what I LOVE about you. But somehow, people and things around me are telling that you are not the one that I used to know. I mean, if you really did love me before, how can you bear to leave me just like that and continue leaving your life as it was all just a dream? Friends and facebook are telling me that you are leading a good life now and you're being as happy as ever. Apparently, you are not even affected by this a single bit and you have totally forgotten about me. And yes, this hurts like hell.

But of course, at the same time, I still want to see you well and happy, enjoying your life. I really hope you are. And yes, I am still worrying about you everyday.
Wondering if you are smoking more than 5 sticks per day.
Wondering if you skipping meals again.
Wondering if you have brought your jackets to keep yourself warm in air-conditioned room.
Wondering if your flu and nose problem is bugging you again.
Wondering if your neck problem is hunting you and causing you to have insomnia again.
Wondering if you are still dozing off in lessons again.
Wondering if you are gonna work hard for your finals exam.
Wondering if you are still going out to ton everynight.
Wondering if you are taking caution when you have to chu shi on rainy days.
Wondering if you are gonna see the doctor when you are not feeling well.
Well, of course all these worries can only be kept to myself. I know, you said you wanted more freedom that why you choose this path. Thats why, I told myself not to bug you with all my worries anymore. For now, I shall just stay as your secret guardian angel, guarding you and looking out for you. Thats all I can do now.


Okayy, the truth is...
I can't forget him. I don't want to forget him.