Today marks the 4th years since grandma left us. 4 years ago, at about this timing, mama and I were rushing down to SGH after getting a call from dad. We all knew that it was the last time we are ever going to see grandma.  When we reached her ward, the entire family were surrounding her bed. I was told to hold my tears as they say that it would make grandma more difficult to move on to the next world if i cry in front of her. I held my tears and hold on to her hand. I still remember that before she left, I promised her to study hard and bond closer with my brother. I told her to 安心上路 because I promised to be a good girl and take care of myself and my family. But, I guessed I have failed the promise. Many things have happened for the last 4 years, and i know that I am no longer that pure and good little girl which grandma used to know. I have failed her in many ways. For instance, my studies. I remember when I was younger, I would always bring my report book to my grandparent's house and boast about getting all As. But now, i feel disgraced to even stand in front of grandma. I am no longer that shuying she used to know. I know that she is most probably up there watching my daily life all these while. And i know that she must be heartbroken to see all the immature things that i have done. Sorry ah ma.