Lying on bed while making this post. It's hard, but I really need a place to voice out my thoughts. You know, it's like every night when I lie on the bed, all the memories will come and haunt me. Those used-to-be-sweet memories and the awful things which I have encountered or heard, it will just keep getting replayed in my mind. It really sucks, especially when I know that I am the only one that are being haunt by these memories. They, they just don't give a damn. Well... I know I am not suppose to be holding on to these memories. I didn't. I was fine in the day. But everytime during the night, when I lie on the bed. Those scenes, those words will just keep getting replayed. Yesterday, jdg told me smth abt iakihs. And those truths hurts. I know that this day will come eventually and I have been avoiding the problem all these while. I know I am suppose to let go like million years ago, but it still sucks to know that he is saying all the things that he used to tell me to another person, doing the things which we have done with another person. I know I am not suppose to be selfish, and that I should give him my best wishes. But, theres like so many questions that's in my mind. Like, I really don't get why they are so cruel. 说放下就放下，说忘就忘。我有那么容易被你们忘记吗？ Sighh. Been asking these questions many many times, but they just won't give me an answer. At least if they could give me a cruel answer, then I will stop being so persistent right. Anyway, its mother's day next week. And we are going to temple to vist grandma next week. Thinking about it, it has been 4 years since she left me. Everytime I think of her, I will feel super guilty because I feel that i have start to forget how she looks like and she feels like. Many many things have happened since she left. And I am pretty sure that she definitely won't want to witness all these things. It's like... Many things happened in the family. I don't know if it's because that she is no longer here to guide us, that's why people have changed, or is it just that I have grown old enough to see the reality. I am not sure if I have mentioned this in my blog before, but there's smth that had always been bothering me for a few years. Well, perhaps it's not right for me to mention it in this public place, but well, I have always been avoiding this problem. Till today, our family mentioned it during Dad's birthday dinner today. At then, everybody was laughing and joking about it. But I know that deep in their heart, everyone was affected by it. Well... 反正这个世界一直都在转。你不变，别人也会变。只能告诉自己要学着去适应这个世界上的变化。I am no longer 3 years old, where the worst reason I could be crying for is because I fell down and scraped my knees. Now, even if I am facing things that's are worst than 1000x worst than falling down, I still have to 忍。好啦，我吐完了。I am amazed that you actually finish reading this entire post hahas. Thanks, feel so much better now (: