Okay this is bad, my blogviews have drop drastically... sorry for not updating my blog for so long, have been really busy enjoying life and I am still enjoying now (:

The topic death have been revolving around my mind for this few days, after noticing so many funerals around my eststes, looking at newspaper articles of how some famous actor (ah nan) have just passed away, watching the movie The Impossible. All these events or experiences made me realize how vulnerable a human life can be. I mean let's just take a look at all the newspaper articles and posts spreading on fb, it's like someone may be just walking home from school or smth and voom, you can just get langah by a car even before you can scream. What's worst is that some don't even know that they will never wake up the next morning after saying goodnight to their loved ones. Thinking of all these really make me realize how important it is to treasure every single minute as long as I am still breathing.  Well, I may not become someone successful in my life but at least if I were to die now, I would say that I did enjoy my life as Tan Shu Ying. 
That day, melody and I were discussing about death, like how we would want our funeral to be conducted when I am dead and who I would like to "see" at my funeral and how each of my family and friends will react to my death.  And talking about this topic also made me realize another harsh truth about life and human. That is, people somehow will only treasure a person only when that person is dead. Some people who you don't usually see or will never be able to see again will only appear at your funeral. I know this because I have witness my grandma's funeral 6years ago and I saw many unfamiliar faces whom I Was later told that they were my grandma's relatives and friends. It's like....  还健康活着的时候为什么不见面，偏偏就要等到躺在棺材里的时候才来见她最后一面呢？Well, this also makes me wonder who will actually appear in my funeral (choyyy, touchwood ) and who will actually cry when I am gone? If my life is like a computer game character which allow me to revive over and over again, then I swear I will sincerely wanna try out death. My purpose for this is not to make my parents sad or whatsoever, I just want to find out who are the real friends that will genuinely care for me. So that when I am back alive, I know who I should treasure and how to treasure my new life. This two days, I went to ask two of the closest guy In my life (excluding dad and bro ) on how they will react and what will they say to me as their last words if I were to die later. Both of them scolded me for asking such questions, but I explained to them that I just want to know the answer because I just want to make full use of my life and live my life with no regrets, like what I have said earlier, we will never know when god will put a fullstop to our life and that's why many things should be settled and 交代清楚, like in case of emergency.  So the two of them said the same things, and I shouldn't say it here because I don't want you all to get diabetes hehehehe,  but the point is, Yes I am really happy to hear all these words which I don't usually get to hear. And I am glad that I didn't hear them only after I have died. Ok, Anw cny is coming I should stop bringing up the word die haha, seriously all I want to do is enjoy life now and make sure we will live with no regrets. If there's any regrets that I am going to have will only be the fact that I didn't manage to go on to work and repay my parents. So yeapp, think about it... is there anything that you have always want to tell me but didn't dare to? Or is there anybody you wish to meet/talk to but didn't have the guts to? Do it now，the worse feeling that one can ever have is regrets and don't ever let this haunt you even after you have become a ghost.

Alright, here comes the last post of the year.

I guess 2012 is certainly a year which I will never ever forget. It's one of the year which I will tell my children and grandchildren about in the far future. One day, I will most probably be lying in a hospital bed when I am older, thinking about this very year which contains so much memories. Well, other than the fact that this is the year when I had graduated from my secondary school (Oh shucks, i didn't make a post about graduation) , this also the year where I have really been through the most and learned the most. Well, I really don't know if I should conclude this year as a bad or good year for me.

泪也流了, 笑也笑过了。
该走的人也走了，不该走的人也离开了。

我只能说的是，我从来没有忘记那些曾经来到我生活的那些人。在这短短的一年内遇见了很多新的人， 也失去了很多的朋友。但尽管这些朋友已不再我的生活里打转，但与他们的回忆我却没有忘记过。虽然有时回想起往事时，心里不禁会感到一些气愤，生气为什么这些人要选择离开我。但是有时我又回想起曾经有一个朋友对我说的几句话。他说； ‘其实每个人的人生中都会有着许多踏脚石。这些在我们生活中进进出出的这些人都是我们的踏脚石。我们也有可能是别人的踏脚石。这些踏脚石只是帮助你完成人生最终目标的道具罢了。就算在多的不舍，踏脚石仍然只是踏脚石，把它带走会拖累自己的将来。所以，我们要学会放手。’ 这句话虽然听起来非常残酷，但这就是人生。这也就是我在2012 年里所学到最重要的人生经验了。我开始学会放手。虽然偶尔也会想到以前的那些人，我还是会感到沮丧和依依不舍，但至少我不会应为这些事而自暴自弃了。

撇开那些不高兴的回忆，今年当然也令我受益良多， 也有着很多美好，开心的回忆。在这，我也真诚感谢那些从不放弃我的人，这一年来的陪伴与帮助。尤其是我的家人和好友。我知道尤其是在今年里，我做了很多事让我的朋友生气，但令我最感动的事就是这些朋友最终没有离开我。要是你们有在读的话，谢谢你这一年来的照顾与体谅。谢谢你们在我最伤心的时候借给了我你们的耳朵还给我了一个可以依靠的肩膀。谢谢你们。我真诚的希望我们之间的友谊不会因为我们去了不同的学校而消失。接下来这首歌是我想要献给我的好朋友们的一首歌，这首歌的歌词表达了我想要对你们说的话。
 
 To Priscilla, Jieqi, Duckies and Jeffrey <3 br="br">
 
第一次见面看你不太顺眼谁知道后来关系那么密切
我们一个像夏天一个像秋天却总能把冬天变成了春天
你拖我离开一场爱的风雪­我背你逃出一次梦的断裂
遇见一个人然后生命全改变原来不是­恋爱才有的情节
如果不是你我不会相信朋友比情人还死心塌地­
就算我忙恋爱把你冷冻结冰
你也不会恨我/只是骂我几句
如­果不是你我不会确定朋友比情人更懂得倾听
我的弦外之音/我­的有口无
我离不开darling更离不开你
你拖我离开一场­爱的风雪我背你逃出一次梦的断裂
遇见一个人然后生命全改变原来不是恋爱才有的情节
如果不是你我不会相信朋友比情人还­死心塌地
就算我忙恋爱把你冷冻结冰
你也不会恨我只是骂我­几句
如果不是你我不会确定朋友比情人更懂得倾听
我的弦外­之音我的有口无心
我离不开darling更离不开你
你了解­我所有得意的东西才常泼我冷水怕我忘形
你知道我所有丢脸的事­情
却为我的美好形象保密
如果不是你我不会相信朋友比情人­还死心塌地
就算我忙恋爱把你冷冻结冰你也不会恨我只是骂­我几句



Alright, sorry for the change in language haha. I think I am better typing it in chinese but decide not to make it too formal so shall end this post with english. Well actually my confession for the end of the year ain't over yet. I know its abit turn off when I end it like that, but.... okok, i promise i will update on about the next part really soon kk? There's actually lots of things I want to thank about and complain about haha. Update you soon kk? I promise! Pinky Finger! （：


I know I promised that I would stop posting emo stuffs here. But I just feel so sad suddenly, after scrolling through twitter and instargram, seeing everyone enjoying tangyuan made by their ah ma. Its been 5 years since she left us and it has been 5 years since I last ate tangyuan. Well, although mum tried to buy some tangyuan for me for the supermarket, but really, none of it can be compared to the one made by my grandma. I still remember every year at this time, mum will bring me to ah ma house while she go to work, and then I will spend the whole day at ah ma house. At then, there were no fb, no twitter or instargram for me to scroll through, but I have never felt bored when I am at ah ma house. In the morning, we will start rolling tangyuan and cooking it. Then we will sit in the living room and watch the taiwan drama 意难望 together, while waiting for my ah gong to be back from work. Sometimes ah ma and I will go for a short afternoon nap together and she will tell me stories about her past till we fall asleep. And the sweetest thing is that she will always look at the clock at around 5pm, telling me that 阿公要回来了 and shortly after awhile, ah gong will appear at the door. After that, ah gong will cook dinner for us all and we will together in front of the tiny table in front of tv, watching the 6pm news. But since ah ma go to the heaven 5 years ago, all these activities had stop. Everything have changed since she left. Ah ma house no longer feel as warm as before. Ah gong stop cooking dinner for us, and I am drifting further and further away from him. Its been like so many months since I last go to his house. Feel very guilty for that, but the feelings is just aint the same without ah ma. Sigh, I know I shouldn't be feeling so sad or else ah ma will have a hard time in heaven, but still... I really miss her and the past.


Okay, here comes a more happy and friendly post. So, I went to Marina Sq with melodypuahshuyun today. She is going korea tomorrow! Everyone is going overseas or is already overseas, only left poor shuying alone in sg, working or rotting due to boredom. So today, I tried to imagine myself at different countries. Okay, not funny. I dont know what to say. Heres some photos (:








Okay..I know, havent been updating for a long long time and i know i have lost lots of readers, sorry ):
Didn't dare to blog the past few weeks because I realized that theres alot weird people who like to come to my blog and judge me just by reading the posts and not even bothering to understand the entire situation. Seriously, damn pekcek with all those fucking rumors and assumption you all made. Pardon me for my crude language, but seriously I am really !@#$%@#$$% pekcek with all those ridiculous things that I heard. Like !@#$% . If you all have anything just come right up to me and ask me la. Whats the !@#$% of assuming things all by yourself and worse still, spreading your own @#$% assumption all around. I am @#$% pekcek with all this people man.


Sorry for not updating this blog for quite awhile. Had a quite a busy week and wasn't in a very good mood in the last few days. But yeah, guess it's time for me to move on. Promise my friends that I won't get affected by anybody, and I will be keeping to my promise.

So anyway, I was suppose to be update on the graduation and class chalet, but didn't reallyhave time. I am currently working in the sitex fair at expo this weekend, selling fujifilm cameras. Almost break my leg after standing for the whole days, but I guess my sales was quite good even though the overall crowd was very bad. And I really hope that things will improve from tomorrow onwards! Ohh and Ya!! Was very happy because I finally became the Lao jiao! Lao jiao is what we call experienced promoters here. Is Lao jiao, not lan jiao luhh. But yeah! glad that I have finally gained myself some recognition after working for so many times. My in charge even ask me to teach a newcomer and pass me the time sheet! Really felt so honoured. Kk anw g2g now. Goodnight!!


Was suppose to be blogging about graduation. But I really don't have the mood to think of anything else now. Guess there's nothing else that we can do. I will respect your decison. Wish you all the best for your future. Goodbye.